you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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