I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize