Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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