im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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