You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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