I just made out with a guy for $7.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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