Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
