I'm laying in your front yard are you home
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
