Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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