I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
