I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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