I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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