My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We got so high we made milksteak
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I want to be your penis for a week.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
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