lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize