? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
