Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
