I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
