Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
