FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
