So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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