Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
