When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
