a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
