that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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