Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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