the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
