I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
