I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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