can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
the raccoons are back...
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