well you can't waste a boner
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
