i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
