oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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