you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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