I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
