She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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