This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
