I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
