Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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