I'm gonna have a badass scar
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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