I wish I only lived at night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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