how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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