I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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