This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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