so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
