I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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