apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
