I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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