i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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