So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
