the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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