Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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