Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
