Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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