U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is Oprah even human
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
