There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
