yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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