I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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