He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
