shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize