he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
