I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
