dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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