dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
