Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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