I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
