For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
