You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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