I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
