Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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