I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
